_______ When I try to control someone, it keeps me from taking care of my life....Allowing others to speak and act for themselves is a kind of acceptance that helps me mind my own business.
Alateen-ADAT, page 198 e32

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA

                                         Without My Help
When I first came to Al-Anon, I was in what I now like to call my martyrdom stage. I was the smart one and the responsible one. I took care of the house, the children, and the bills. I also made sure we had money reserved for emergencies.

I could tell you all the ways my alcoholic husband was not like me. I could tell you everything he did incorrectly and I reminded him of them everyday. What I didn't realize was how negatively I was affecting my children and our household. I was affecting our lives horribly, not the alcoholic--me, the perfect, self-sacrificing one. How blind I had become in my self-righteousness.

In terms of emotional and spiritual growth, Al-Anon, including my friends in the program and my first sponsor, is the most important thing that has ever happened in my life. Today I know that I am not the almighty. My Higher Power is. What a blessing for my family, and what a weight lifted from my shoulders. I can be happy today whether things go just as I'd like them to or not.

I'm happy again and my children are happier. Without my help, my husband is actually doing things differently. How about that? Thank you, God, for this program.

By Dianne U.

Forum, Vol. LI (2003), No. 4 (April), pg 27

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, 
Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA